The incident
emilio and fabian have been friends since second grade, about 12 years ago. they both used to be lonely kids, two weirdos who found eachother. during secondary school, fabian gradually changed, he got a lot more popular. emi stayed exactly the same, the only reason he even meets new people is because fabian drags him to parties and clubs. after parties they usually go to one of eachothers houses and sleep until 1 pm (sometimes in the same bed). fabian knows everyone at every party, he has lots of 'friends' and he LOVES to flirt and fuck around with strangers. emi in the meantime spends his time discreetly (or at least he thinks hes being discreet) following him like a lost puppy, he hates when he catches a glampse of fabian hitting some random girl. he notices everytime he's being watched, he doesn't dislike it but it makes him have a lot of questions.
one night, emis parents arent home so they go there after whatever party. both are really drunk (emis a lightweight) (fabian really likes to drink), stumbling with everything and crashing on the couch while laughing at.. something. once the laughter dies a little, fabian decides to ask:
-"why do you stare so much when im flirting with girls? you look jealous"
-"not at all"
-"people are gonna think we're gay"
-"they already say it"
-"yeah, because you insist on following me everywhere like a puppy"
-"thats not true"
-"dont play dumb, and you havent answered my question"
-"its not that im jealous, youre just always with random nobody girls"
-"so? what of it? if theyre pretty.."
-"but youre not a nobody, and sometimes theyre not even that pretty"
-"what? youre saying i deserve something better?"
-"i guess"
-"so lets see, what would be something better? you?"
-"huh? no, not at all, im not gay"
-"debatable"
a few minutes of silence pass.
-"and what if i were a girl?"
-"huh?"
-"if i hypothetically were a girl, would you also get this jealous?"
-"if you were a girl youd already be my girlfriend... hypothetically"
-"oh yeah? and if i were a girl right now what? what would your hypothetical action be?"
-"id kiss the fuck out of you"
-"ok, go on, do it"
silence. emi seems to be considering his options, fabian thinks its funny, he looks like hes doing a long division in his head.
-"what? you back out? youre such a puss-"
the kiss is awful, messy with too much teeth, like theyre trying to devour eachother rather than kiss eachother, and maybe too much eagerness but it sort of works. for only a few seconds. emi pulls back suddenly, as if he were surprised at his own actions. both are a bit out of breath, staring at eachother.
-"dont call me a pussy"
-"pussy"
-"shut the fuck up"
this time its a more controlled kiss, somehow more agressive too. hands with no owner moving to cup faces not theirs yet familiar, to grab, to pull at the others hair. with a punched out sound, fabian's back hits the couch below them, emi falling on top. his forever cold hand begins snaking under fabian's button up shirt making him jump. perhaps the sound of a car pulling up to the house is what actually makes him jump. seeing how after their lips disconnected emi would not even attempt to move off him, choosing instead to just stare at him, fabian says:
-"get off, idiot. or do you want your parents to see us?"
-"huh? oh, yeah, sorry"
backing off as if what he had been touching had suddenly cought on fire, he continues:
-"lets go to my room, i dont wanna say hi to them right now"
-"such a hurry, you dont wanna say hi to your mom while your dicks hard?"
-"what? i dont- shut up. its not that, its just thats like 3 am and youre drunk"
-"so are you, youre braver when youre drunk"
stumbling and nearly knocking some stuff on the way, they make it to emi's room. after setting up the extra bed, setting up in this scenario only means putting an extra mattress on the floor with no sheets and one shitty pillow, they both lay down, fabian getting the shitty bed. he turns to the side, facing away from his friend while he's on his back, staring at the ceiling. after a few minutes of thinking about what had happened and his face feeling like it was being burned by the heat of the sun, emi asks:
-"what the fuck was that?"
fabian's almost asleep by the time emi can translate his weird thoughts into a coherent sentence.
-"what?"
-"what do you mean 'what'? we.. we kissed"
-"oh, that. that was nothing"
-"nothing? wasnt it kinda.. gay?"
-"nah"
-"how?"
-"it was hypothetical, i was a hypothetical girl and you were.. well, you. it doesnt count"
he says as if it was the most obvious thing in the world, as if them kissing didnt completly alter emis brain forever.
-"hm, i guess"
it does actually, sort of make sense, at least in his drunk and sleepy brain.
-"now shut up and go to sleep, im sleepy"
emi obeys, turning to his side and looking away from him, towards his window. his brain is not quiet at all, but he figures the internal storm that is forming in the bottom of his mind is future emis problem. at least for now, he went to a semi cool party, he drank a lot and made out with.. someone that possibly wouldnt remember it the next day, and that is enough to be content.
meanwhile, fabian is not going to sleep, not for a while. it wasnt unlike him to throw everything under the carpet and never adress it, but emi is his best friend, one of the only real friends he has. it isnt his fault this happened, emi kissed him. so why do his mind and belly feel so weird? he started the flirting, but he always joke flirts with emi and it never gets them anywhere serious, the other always gets too flustered to keep the joke going. still, emi kissed him so this wasnt his fault. even though he kissed back, even though he griped at the red ones hair and shirt like he was being saved from drowning, even though he kinda hoped the kissing would continue after leaving the couch, it doesnt matter. he isnt the one responsible for it so he was also not going to be the one responsible for adressing it. emi will probably forget about it in the morning so it isnt even that big of a deal.