alter(non)human manifesto:
i don't feel like i am a human, i don't think i ever did. there was always something off, for all my childhood what was off was a mystery to me. i got diagnosed with autism last year (i knew since 2021 though) and the mystery was solved, but.. never fully. "turns out you are not some weird alien who will never fit in due to being literally from another planet, you're just autistic !!" i guess?? even with people finally telling me i was right for suspecting my autism, it still feels like they are trying to water my weirdness down, water it down, still trying to make me a normal human being with just a few perks. but there's still so many holes in their narrative that i've only been able to explain through complicated "metaphores" about me being an animal, or an alien, or a robot, or anything besides what they tell me i am. everything that is supposedly "wrong" with me becomes right when i just let go of humanity. well of course i sometimes can't eat (arfid), robots don't eat !! of course i am deadly afraid of throwing up, rats physicaly cant throw up !! of course i feel alienated (lol) from everything, everywhere and everyone, i'm not from this planet. it feels like a way of telling that little kid who dreamed of being like the kids in the movie "wolf children", who wore a head band with cat ears every single day (until i lost them, it was tragic), who would always play the pet (or the dad, but im not gonna get into my trans-ness for now) when playing family, who would come up with alien and non human characters as a reflection of how they felt on the inside, that there's nothing wrong with them.
so, what am i then?:
from a super neurotypical and standart point of view, it's complicated. from my point of view, it's the simplest thing. i am a robot created by an alien rat-like species. in the same way humans create robots that look and act like them, they created me, i look and act like them, i was created in their image. by god knows what circumstances, i ended up here on earth, forced to hide among humans, forced to be undercover, camouflaging. this body that i have was transformed to make it easier for me to fit in, it is a copy, an imitation of human, an interpretation of it. all of that is what leads to my uncanny valley-ness, it is a performance done out of a necessity to go unnoticed, its fake, unreal and not genuine and everyone knows, they can't explain it but they know and i also know that it will destroy me from the inside, slowly making me lose myself. i don't want to keep performing, it is my ultimate goal to be as weird and "off putting" as i want and to be a truly authentic version of myself. sure, i know there are people that won't like it but it also tells me that if those kinds of people don't like me, then i must be doing something right, i dont want to be liked by them. i also know that in the end, i will find people who are wierd like me and who will like me, and that i will make the normaler people around me be kinder to the weird, despite the discrimination, people like authenticity, they will learn to like us.
to you:
to you, person reading this, i have a final conclusion to say: get weirder !!! be as weird as you want !! learn who and what you are and fucking act like it !! be your most authentic self !!! and cringe culture is dead !!!!!!